What is a Nice Guy?
Watch this short video to learn more:
Are you a “Nice Guy”?
Are you tired of losing that promotion you have worked so hard for, having challenges with having satisfying and meaningful sex and intimacy and working too much? How about struggling with not having a hobby, getting with the guys, dealing with conflict and looking and feeling healthy? Chances are you may be a nice guy. So, what is a nice guy and why is that so bad, anyways? A nice guy can be described by one or more of the following characteristics:
- Giving often
- Seeking approval from others
- Believing that you must hide your perceived flaws and mistakes
- Trying to be different from your father
- Fixing and care taking
- Avoiding conflict
- Repressing your feelings
- Being more comfortable relating to women than men
- Having difficulty making your needs a priority
- Making your partner your emotional center
If you struggle with some or more of these, or if your partner or significant other has complained about these characteristics in you, you may be a nice guy!
So, what’s wrong with being a nice guy?
Well, the main challenges are that nice guys are not always nice and they will eventually burn out and act out with some or all of the actions below:
- Lie/Be deceptive
- Compartmentalize (live two different lives or putting different parts of your life in boxes)
- Manipulate/Being Deceptive
- Giving to get
- Be passive-aggressive or aggressive
- Struggle with addictions or compulsive behavior
- Having Poor Boundary setting
- Have problems with intimate relationships
- Have trouble listening
- Have issues with sexuality
- Be only relatively successful
Characteristics of Nice Guys
The majority of nice guys we have met and have heard of have been smart, talented and moderately successful. They have also struggled with one or more of the following areas:
- binge drinking
- drug use
- sex and porn use
- work stress/excessive working
- being a father
- participating in a fun hobby
- being honest
- meeting and vocalizing their needs in a healthy way
Being a nice guy is not the answer
Now, before you or your significant others throws a stone at me; being a healthy and assertive guy is a better way to live for yourself and others.
Being healthy and assertive with help with your intimacy (being able to connect emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually etc.) It will also help with learning to meet your needs and how to directly, honestly, and respectfully ask for your needs. You may not get all of your needs met by others, but that is the whole point. Besides your mom and dad meeting your needs, when you were a child, as an adult you are now responsible to get or ask for your needs to be met. If you are struggling with this, now is the time to work on this.
We can help men 18 years and older individually as a coach or therapist,(coaching is working more on your current goals, and therapy deals with working more on your past wounds), in small fun and interactive groups. These groups will be 6-8 men that can relate to being a “nice guy” and that have the desire to stop living that life; yesterday. You don’t have to do this alone!
If you are tired of being a Nice Guy, Start Here:
Your first step is to meet and speak with a therapist at Charlotte Counseling Associates, PLLC. We are encouraging and straight-forward and will give you options about whether individual or group therapy, or both will be most beneficial for you. You do not have to be in therapy for a lifetime and do not have to attend weekly once we have spent enough time looking at your nice guy characteristics, have figured out what you want to change, and build a plan that feels good together.
Meeting Individual/Group or Both
Some men prefer to meet with us individually at first or they may meet with us while a group is already running as they wait for the next one. It can actually be a good idea to meet individually first so that your therapist can determine what you want to work on and then work together with you on a plan to meet your goals individually and to see if transitioning to group would be a better option, or staying individually. Some men prefer to do both, however; this does not mean you would have to do group and individually in the same week.
Men’s Assertiveness and Communication Groups:
Groups run 2-3 times a year, every other week for 12 group meetings. Click on our Men’s Assertiveness Group link here for more information on the groups: Men’s Assertiveness Group Information (click here)
We can help men in North and South Carolina online or in person. Start today to schedule a free 10 minute complimentary phone call to learn more about Men’s assertiveness individual and group options. For more information give us a call or fill out the contact form below.