**Next Men’s Assertiveness Group starts on Wednesday, August 19, 2020 at 5:15 pm and is online with some potential in-office meetings in the fall. For more information email email@example.com or 980-263-9608. See guidelines and other specifics for you group attached. Guidelines for Men’s Assertiveness Group. Aug 19, 2020 (Click here for more information)
Are you a “nice guy”? Tired of losing that promotion you have worked so hard for, not having great and meaningful sex and intimacy, working too much, not engaging in a hobby or getting with the guys, and not looking and feeling healthy? Chances are you may be a nice guy. So, what is a nice guy and why is that so bad, anyways? A nice guy can be described by one or more of the following characteristics:
- Giving often
- Seeking approval from others
- Believing that you must hide your perceived flaws and mistakes
- Trying to be different from your father
- Fixing and care taking
- Avoiding conflict
- Repressing your feelings
- Being more comfortable relating to women than men
- Having difficulty making your needs a priority
- Making your partner your emotional center
If you struggle with some or more of these, or if your partner or significant other has complained about these characteristics in you, you may be a nice guy!
So, what’s wrong with a nice guy. Well, the main challenges are that nice guys are not always nice as they will eventually burn out and do some of the actions below:
- Lie/Be deceptive
- Compartmentalize (live two different lives or putting different parts of your life in compartments)
- Give to get
- Be passive-aggressive or aggressive
- Struggle with addictions or compulsive behavior
- Poor Boundary setting
- Have problems with intimate relationships
- Have trouble listening
- Have issues with sexuality
- Be only relatively successful
The majority of nice guys I have met and have heard of have been smart, talented and moderately successful. They have also struggled with one ore more of the following areas: alcohol abuse (binge drinking), drug use, gambling, sex and porn use, work stress, being a father, participating in a fun hobby, being honest, and meeting other needs in a healthy way. So, I am sorry to say that being a nice guy is not the answer. Now, before you or your significant others throws a stone at me; being a healthy and assertive guy is a better way to live for yourself and others.
Being healthy and assertive with help with your intimacy (being able to connect emotionally, physically, sexually and spiritually etc.) It will also help with learning to meet your needs and how to directly, honestly, and respectfully ask for your needs. You may not get all of your needs met by others, but that is the whole point. Besides your mom and dad, when you were a child, you are responsible to get or ask for you needs to be met as an adult. If you are struggling with this, now is the time to work on this.
I can help men 18 and older individually as a coach or therapist (coaching is more current goals, and therapy is more going into the past) or in small fun and interactive groups. These groups will be 5-8 total men that can relate to being a “nice guy” and that have the desire to stop living that life; yesterday. You don’t have to do this alone!
Your first step is to meet and speak with David Sanchez, LCMHC, LCAS, CSAT. David is encouraging and straight-forward and will give you options about whether individual or group therapy, or both will be most beneficial for you. You do not have to be in therapy for a lifetime, group are as little as 12 sessions, which meet every other week, and you can work individually for a few sessions or more if needed.
David Sanchez, Men’s Assertiveness Expert, LCMHC, LCAS, CSAT, EMDR Therapist helping individuals in the Charlotte, NC and surrounding areas in North Carolina and the South Carolina area.